Are you really emo?

Me too. So glad you’re here.

I started meditating 11 years ago, real basic spiritual bitch like: Because I was super triggered by the guy I was dating.

Wandering around the Mission District of San Francisco a hurt, nervous wreck, I found a meditation center. It’s still there, a stone’s throw from the chaotic calm of 16th Street BART Station.

A sleek poster next to their entrance declares:

You just know it’s true.

I have bipolar II, rapid cycling. So I’ve racked up priceless wisdom and crippling shame. Living with this illness is a dream, nightmare, every shade in between.

Feeling peaceful has been rare. For most of my life, I never felt it and wouldn’t be able to ID it for you in a lineup. That was then.

Why subscribe?

I talk about what it’s like to have this wide-ranging brain chemistry… with a ceiling in the stratosphere and floor that drops straight to hell on earth.

I try my best to dwell on solutions and sweet surrender rather than rehashing miseries old and new.

Over the past 15 years, I have found free, cheap, and not-cheap stuff that actually help me live and want to live.

… because those are two very different things.

🤝 Excited to swap tools and tips (and stories) with you — seriously, please help a girl out. Tell me anything from the classic stuff (boring and annoying?) to the cutting edge (too good to be true?).

Why go paid?

I’m conflicted about paywalling anything that might help someone feel or live better. And, I would love to pay the bills as a writer/author someday.

My current thinking is I might paywall any post that mentions suicidality and other shadow topics. This is for the benefit of anyone who doesn’t want to read about that during a casual scroll-through.

If you want to be privy to my boundless heart-mind, you’re welcome to become a paid subscriber (you cute weirdo).

Otherwise, there are plenty of stories and tools I’ll offer free.

Who I am

A Korean American woman in my forties. I live in the SF Bay Area with the love of my life and our dog. Unless I’m having a debilitating episode, I work as a helping professional by day.

I’m a human containing known and unknowable multitudes, just like you — not a pickle jar. But in case the context helps you, here is everything I’ve been diagnosed with:

• Bipolar II, rapid cycling

• Complex PTSD

• Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) score of 6

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder

• (prob ADHD too, tbh)

⛑️: I’m in ongoing training for my job, which involves being trauma-informed. In the past, I was a volunteer Crisis Counselor with Crisis Text Line. Please don’t ever hesitate to slide into my DMs if leaving a comment feels too vulnerable. Anything you say will be held in strict confidence.

Send letters and other longform to 📧 manicpixiereal@gmail.com because I definitely want them (just within a better user experience).

Thanks for reading. And great work earlier, doing that thing you didn’t want to do.